forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
