i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My ass is underappreciated
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
