That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
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Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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