I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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