She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
They have beer where we have blood.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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