I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
