I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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