I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
