I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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