i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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