p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
only if we run a train.
done.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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