pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
