cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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