i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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