Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
