Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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