dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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