i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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