we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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