did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
