True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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