so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
As shirtless as possible
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
