Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize