You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
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Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
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i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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