So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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