I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I deserve this hangover.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
