She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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