I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
