Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
