I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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