Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
