could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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