my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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