Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just google imaged poop.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
