I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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