In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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