I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
