I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
