I showed him my bush... on skype.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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