as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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