Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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