that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
