I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
