bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
