u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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