I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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