I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
