I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
