Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I would ride that face into the sunset
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
