I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
