you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
