when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
