Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
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