Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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