I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
