I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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