dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
