Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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