We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Your penis caused this!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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